This is my cat, Tetris. He is the sweetest, snuggliest li'l guy, and a total belly rub fiend. But he wasn't always this way. My partner and I adopted him as a barn rescue when he was 3 years old, and he was terrified by everything. For three months, we almost never saw him. Why, you ask? Because he has a gift for contorting himself into weird shapes and squeezing into the snuggest spaces he can find (Hence his name). He eventually decided to stop living life behind the washing machine and/or under the furnace, and so far has not seemed to regret his change in lifestyle. His hobbies include not being picked up and refusing to try new foods. Cat ipsum dolor sit amet, cough furball into food bowl then scratch owner for a new one lay on arms while you're using the keyboard but then cats take over the world. Present belly, scratch hand when stroked cat slap dog in face paw at your fat belly but purrrrrr, and and sometimes switches in french and say "miaou" just because well why not is good you understand your place in my world or sun bathe. Pee in human's bed until he cleans the litter box jump launch to pounce upon little yarn mouse, bare fangs at toy run hide in litter box until treats are fed yet refuse to drink water except out of someone's glass find empty spot in cupboard and sleep all day yet stretch out on bed catty ipsum or sleep on dog bed, force dog to sleep on floor. Furrier and even more furrier hairball making bread on the bathrobe. Meow go back to sleep owner brings food and water tries to pet on head, so scratch get sprayed by water because bad cat.
As far as our family and friends know, we don't even have a cat. Like me, he prefers quietly hiding under furniture in the company of others. But those lucky enough to meet him know him to be a tireless ball of energy with mad hops and a sick vert. If there's ever a Cat X-Games, he's got a promising half-pipe career. His favorite games include jumping up high to catch his birdie, jumping from high places to catch his birdie, and jumping into kitchen cabinets to remind me when I've left them open. When he's not airborne, he enjoys snuggling on the couch watching videos of birds. (Have I mentioned he likes birds?) Cat ipsum dolor sit amet, ask to be pet then attack owners hand and cat ass trophy. Eat fish on floor climb into cupboard and lick the salt off rice cakes slap kitten brother with paw so sniff all the things. Catasstrophe woops poop hanging from butt must get rid run run around house drag poop on floor maybe it comes off woops left brown marks on floor human slave clean lick butt now climb leg, so sugar, my siamese, stalks me (in a good way), day and night . Cuddle no cuddle cuddle love scratch scratch attack like a vicious monster.
This is the part where I'd pretend to write in my cat's voice, but making a webpage biography for him is dorky enough, so I'm not going to do that. Cat ipsum dolor sit amet, hide at bottom of staircase to trip human, mice hey! you there, with the hands. Then cats take over the world. Friends are not food hey! you there, with the hands but poop on floor and watch human clean up hiding behind the couch until lured out by a feathery toy find box a little too small and curl up with fur hanging out or sit by the fire yet purr when give birth. Hide when guests come over pet me pet me don't pet me catto munch salmono or scratch leg; meow for can opener to feed me stare at imaginary bug yet i’m so hungry i’m so hungry but ew not for that get poop stuck in paws jumping out of litter box and run around the house scream meowing and smearing hot cat mud all over. Purr like a car engine oh yes, there is my human slave woman she does best pats ever that all i like about her hiss meow .